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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23363488">Diary of an Ordinary Citizen of Japan</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwilightMaster15/pseuds/TwilightMaster15'>TwilightMaster15</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Death Note (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bets &amp; Wagers, Comedy, Crack, Gen, Light fails to keep secrets, Minor L/Yagami Light</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:26:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,310</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23363488</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwilightMaster15/pseuds/TwilightMaster15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The excerpts of an unnamed author, following them and their crazy family on their adventures to learn every detail about the Kira case and make bets on it. And it turns out Light isn't as good at keeping the Kira secret as he thinks he is, and soon a good portion of the city knows but chooses not to say anything. And L really needs some better security.</p><p>But then there is the most important questions: Will Kira and L get together in the end? And how long until L and the task force catches up on the very widely known fact that Light is Kira?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Entry One</strong>
</p><p>The news was on again today. More criminals have been arrested only to die of heart attacks—for the 310th time this week. What's the point of the death penalty when all the major killers are dropping left and right like flies? It seems a little pointless. </p><p>I bet ten US dollars that this is actually someone doing this. Dad thinks it's a government conspiracy, but I think it would be funnier if this was just some dude with superpowers.</p><p>Seeing as I have 285 cousins, and lots of talented older relatives, we have decided to make this our first family activity that doesn't involve something getting stolen or someone in the family getting killed. We will uncover this mystery and make bets on it for our own personal gain. We may not seem like the most moral of people, but what can you do, we're only human.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry Two</strong>
</p><p>New kid in town, calling himself L. I heard from second cousin Susie that yesterday he basically announced to the world that he's suicidal and was begging for Kira to kill him, then, in the end, revealed this was all just a power flex. I'm still trying to find out if I should consider that badass or the Japanese equivalent of the French taunting from <em>Monty Python and the Holy Grail</em>.</p><p>I have fifty bucks on L not lasting the year. In a fit of compassion, I bet on him running away rather than meeting a miserable end. Just to be cautious, I also put five on him being poisoned and twenty on him dying of a heart attack. It still seemed kinder than some of the bets people were making about disembowelment, loss of limbs, burned at stake, and so forth. I hear being poisoned is like going to sleep.</p><p>Fifth cousin Marv, who runs the betting pool, tried to persuade me to bet on L and Kira falling in love. He must think I'm a fool. What are the odds of that happening?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry Three</strong>
</p><p>So it turns out that Light Yagami is Kira. How did we learn this? He keeps whispering to himself while walking home, and out of curiosity, Sylas perched himself on a roof across the way and watched as Light laughed while writing in a notebook labeled "Death." Usually, I'd think this is insane, but seeing as Kira is clearly not normal, murder notebooks will not take the cake for strangeness. </p><p>Nine-tenths of the women in the family were very happy to find out that the one removing the bad guys is a hottie and also eligible for marriage to a commoner. (The other one-tenth are gay.)</p><p>Anyway, it turns out Light's got a stalker who is also some eye-candy. We aren't sure if this is someone sent by L or is just a rapist, but we gave Light an anonymous gift of pepper spray nonetheless. If this stalker is the FBI, he's doing a terrible job of it since out of curiosity, I went to watch the dude stalking Light and was able to take actual pictures of the guy following Light and then hiding behind pillars. It's hilarious how not subtle the guy is.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry Four</strong>
</p><p>Cityfolk placed our bets on Light Yagami's inevitable demise today. Marv tried to get me to bet on him dying of natural causes—as if! Marv knows I'm fond of long-shots. But instead, I'm the only one who bet on Light killing Soichiro instead of the other way around. The pot has reached fifteen thousand dollars. Come on, Light, patricide my way to a new house!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry Five</strong>
</p><p>Mei was telling me she was in a Spaceland bus-jacking today. Light was on the bus, and suddenly the druggie died by getting hit by a car. Alright, maybe it was a coincidence, or that was all an elaborate plan of Light's to get his stalker's name. This also means he can kill in more ways than heart attacks... Uh Oh. Maybe I shouldn't have bet on L only being killed by a heart attack or poison.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry Six</strong>
</p><p>FBI agents are conveniently dead. Obviously, Kira did this. </p><p>But I asked my friend Jason to hack into the security footage, and we had to frantically erase some footage before L gets it of Light standing right behind Raye, next to a guy who dies of a heart attack. That right there would get him caught, and if Light gets captured in the first month, fifth cousin Marv will get <em> all </em> the betting money, which is simply unacceptable, so my actions with Jason were fully approved by the Court of Crones. </p><p>Jolene thinks this is going to be like a soap opera where that FBI stalker guy has a girlfriend or a wife or something who actually has a brain and will swear revenge on Kira, and will be a critical factor in Light's capture. I was going to laugh it off since Jolene's six, but life around here is such a farce that it might be true, so since I won 120 bucks on the FBI agents being killed and how many there were, I was able to bet 45 on there being a girlfriend and 20 on her playing a role in Light's future capture.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry Seven</strong>
</p><p>What do you know, Jolene was correct. </p><p>Brodie was walking to the friendly local game store (TM) because he got some gift cards for Christmas that he wanted to use, and he saw Light talking to a woman who suddenly lost all will to live and walked away. Wow, either he's that bad at keeping a date, or he just murdered the woman. Seeing as Aunt Tera was there too and can read lips, and confirmed what Light and this mystery woman were saying, I think it actually was an FBI girlfriend.</p><p>Also, apparently Light is no typical protagonist, and he's a bit of an asshole. Grandma is checking the family tree to see if the Yagami family is connected to us somehow because we do produce the greatest of all assholes.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry Eight</strong>
</p><p>So a bunch of agents broke into the Yagami household with a ton of technology. We're all betting on what it was. Most of us are betting it's cameras and wiretaps, because of the lacking in subtlety. However, Anissa thinks it's a bomb. We got some <em> Heathers </em>  on our hands, these are just the thermals that lead to the gym,  <em> those </em> are bombs. People will see the ashes of the house and be like "there's a house that self-destructed" not because society doesn't care, but because that home was society. The only place Heathers and Marthas can get along is in heaven!</p><p>I'm getting sidetracked.</p><p>So not only is this some juicy gossip that we can use to annihilate L and the NPA thanks to the civil rights scandal if this gets out, but we can also make pop culture references. This is a win-win. Maybe we can start blackmailing some bitches... Nah. Actually, there's a pretty good chance that this whole thing was approved by Mr. A+ Parenting. His attempts as sonicide get less subtle all day...</p><p>I don't think I got that word right. What do you call it when someone attempts to off their offspring? Reverse patricide? I'm surprised the nobles didn't have a name for it. With the way they went at it, I'd expect them to have a word for every type of relative-slaying in existence. Killing your nephew: second-degree sonicide. Offing your aunt: patrifratricide for your father's sister, and matrifratricide for your mother's sister. Smothering your cousin: one-quarter fratricide. Doing away with your grandfather: patricide once removed. The possibilities are endless. </p><p>Personally, I wonder if Mr. Yagami found out about my bet about Light killing him instead of the other way around and has decided to take action in me not getting that new house. But I'm not that special. However, that is fun to think about. </p><p>We're trying to get Matsuda involved on the bets once the one year mark hits, but Aunt Mary wisely pointed out that he wouldn't take well to all the bets against his teammates and rooting for Light who can get us more money. Oh well, I guess we have to find a new way to infiltrate task force headquarters...</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry Nine</strong>
</p><p>So I found out Eva is the reason the cameras got put in since she decided to let L know through an anonymous info call about FBI stalker's fiancé being "missing." Turns out through extensive research that L and Ms. Misora were buddies and worked on solving a murder spree in LA a couple years back, so this is gonna be interesting if he starts getting more rash to avenge the death of his friend. But something tells me this information is gonna be forgotten in like ten minutes.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry Ten</strong>
</p><p>So Sora was taking the entrance exams, and he saw Light and also a scrawny guy who sits like a frog but has the eyes of a panda, and the two were making dramatic eye contact. There is no doubt in my mind that this individual is important and probably L. </p><p>I should have taken Marv's bet on L and Kira hooking up when I had the chance. Odds have changed now. I'll make barely any profit at all!</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong> Entry Eleven </strong>
</p><p>I quickly joined the bet of Kira and L hooking up, and just in time too as Uncle Rick saw Light take L on a coffee date after an intense game of tennis. Now Marv had no choice but to fork over the money. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Twelve </strong>
</p><p>Light almost killed Soichiro! I got the word straight from my second cousin, Brett, who works in the hospital. The chief lived, but he did have a heart attack and works on the task force, and we don't know enough about the murder notebook, so it is possible Light can fail.</p><p>I suggested to Marv that my bet was half-right (since Light <em>tried</em>), so I should get half the pot, but I knew he wouldn't buy it. Perhaps I should bribe Brett to pull the plug, so it counts. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Thirteen </strong>
</p><p>So... a second Kira appeared, and this one doesn't seem to be as bad at killing L as Light is. At least that's how it seems to be, but anyone with a brain knows L has by far too many meat shields he can use. Hell, a couple months ago, Alex hacked the prison system and released a serial killer called Beyond Birthday, who now joins in on the bets and gives us more insight onto L, and revealed there is a whole orphanage dedicated to people replacing Lawliet. That's... a little demented, especially since we learned L is like twenty.</p><p>But anyway, Kira 2 seems much more trigger happy. Sure Light killed a bunch of FBI agents, but one of them was stalking him, so technically it wasn't unprovoked like these new ones were. This right here and the shitty quality of that video is what made us realize this isn't Light at all. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Fourteen </strong>
</p><p>Second Kira is supermodel Misa Amane. How do we know this? Not only was she wearing Kira merch as she walked down the street—also, who made that merch? Light doesn't seem the type, and none of it looks his style at all. Anyway, she was talking out loud<em> in public </em>about helping Kira and having magic eyes. Beyond Birthday was extremely horrified that someone would willingly take that power, and bet eighty bucks that she goes insane from it. Most of us just bet she was going to get herself killed.</p><p>Alas, I suppose if Misa's stupidity was capable of killing her, it would have done so already. Stupidity, you gave it a valiant effort.</p><p>But frankly, I don't blame the girl for wanting to get rid of criminals, because her parents got murdered and she does have a stalker problem—something Light can relate to but doesn't seem to know it. My family is the least of his problems because he's got an army of fangirls and fanboys following him wherever he goes. Let's just hope Misa will be a compelling vigilante and isn't just doing this to get in Light's pants.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Fifteen </strong>
</p><p>Oh dear, she is a dangerous stalker, luring Light to Aoyama so she can stare at him, and then Jason messaged me saying he hacked into her computer, and she bought all of Light's information! I'm not sure what's more horrifying—the fact she did that, or the fact she <em>could</em>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Sixteen </strong>
</p><p>Light is now dating a stalker. I swear, we could devote a gossip magazine to that boy's life.</p><p>Marv wants me to give him back the money, but <em>technically</em> I only bet on one fling with L, not a permanent relationship. That and I'm pretty sure hypocrite stalker is blackmailing him in some way. The theory is popular enough that the Court of Crones has decided to take action because we don't want Light to get drugged and raped, and we sent a bunch of information to L to make sure he arrests this girl.</p><p>But we have agreed that if Light goes mad with power and becomes an egotistical tyrant, then we'll be forced to handle it ourselves. And Marv will collect all the betting money! The horrors!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Seventeen </strong>
</p><p>Light confessed to being Kira! Why, cruel gods, why?! Never again will any girl be able to follow him around, steal pieces of his hair and anything small he leaves lying about, or spy on him through that crack in the men's bath or perching on the roof across the street. Most of those examples were Sarah Anne, by the way, not me. But we all have spied on Light plotting in his bedroom by perching across the street at least once. I was appalled by her behavior and only accepted half of Light's hat as a bribe for silence, to keep it safe from whatever she might plan to do with it. You can't choose your family, after all. </p><p>And if it couldn't get worse as we realize that it's only been 6 months and therefore Marv receives the money, someone told my second youngest step-cousin, Anissa, that her searching Light's dirty laundry for clues as to his romantic affairs was "kind of creepy."</p><p>Little Sage bet her dolly and every bit of her 30 dollars in savings on this all being an elaborate plan. The poor girl hasn't learned how to separate her heart from her head in betting. But Dad did bet that Light is somehow being blackmailed into doing this by Misa, so when we put it that way, it's entirely possible. Let's just hope L isn't trigger happy.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Eighteen </strong>
</p><p>Well, L isn't trigger happy, but he is sadistic, keeping Light who clearly lost his memories locked up in a death row cell and not informing him the killings are still happening. Someone ought to tell him. I would, but Marv would think I'm trying to sabotage the "Light getting Death Row Syndrome" bet. </p><p>But honestly, would telling him change anything? Long-term isolation with the threat of death over his head is bound to screw him up even more than the murder notebook does. Best that we get him therapy as soon as he's freed, so we don't need to deal with a damaged tyrant now that Light has a very personal motive to kill L.</p><p>And yes, him losing his memories has made it clear this is all an elaborate plan. Marv was very unhappy about this because it means Light's run isn't done yet, and all Light needs to do is survive another four months, and our money is safe.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Nineteen </strong>
</p><p>Soichiro refuses to let me win the bet—even if he doesn't know about it. I got the news that he tried to shoot his son in the face. How Light isn't dead or horrifically injured is a mystery beyond the greatest minds, and I can only believe that he has some superpower we shall call "plot armor."</p><p>While everybody loves the drama, nobody wants a man who is guilty of attempted sonicide as the chief of the NPA. Nancy is working on creating a message supposedly from Kira to convince the NPA to stop being involved in the Kira case, so this way, Mr. Yagami will have to quit. We don't need to worry about our own children being his next victims once he's killed both of his.</p><p>We debated informing Mrs. Yagami about this, but there is too much money riding on how long until she finds out about those cameras in the house or gets tired of her husband not telling her anything about his own or their son's whereabouts for two months.</p><p>If Light isn't horrifically damaged and traumatized by this, this boy has a heart of stone.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Twenty </strong>
</p><p>So now that the trauma is over, Light is back! Women of Japan, rejoice! Not only is he lots of fun, but he sure is easy on the eyes. A sordid love triangle is unfolding between Light, L, and Misa. Who will Light choose?! The scandalous affair with the stalker supermodel, or the forbidden love with his sworn enemy? Place your bets.</p><p>Oh, and there is still a new Kira running around and killing random businessmen. As if we care. Do I look like I care?</p><p>Also, I am the proud new owner of a new bike! Word is all over Japan that L is not only into BDSM but has even handcuffed himself to Light indefinitely and will be watching him in the shower. Since I placed a bet on L's love of BDSM and that would be his and Light's relationship long ago, the pot on L's sex life is now mine! It's been agreed among everyone that Light's a virgin and has therefore never done this before but will come around given a little time.</p><p>To make it even better, the task force seems to be under the illusion that as long as the maids and waiters who stand around inappropriately long to listen in on the drama don't speak, they don't actually exist. This makes our information gathering even easier than before!</p><p>And Misa tried to ask L if he was getting off on this, to which L said he didn't. I haven't heard a whopper that big since my second-cousin, Maud, tried to claim all those men were coming over to her place for exciting games of Bridge. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Twenty-One </strong>
</p><p>L seems to think he was utterly defeated since Light is not currently Kira, and is now apparently depressed—but he still isn't dead. There is really only one rational explanation for this: he's a zombie. His 'differently alive' state is the only way to justify how he's survived so many attempts on his life. </p><p>Currently, the task force has him locked up in the building, and he seems to be in a placid state. Light is still handcuffed to him for some reason too, which makes me wonder what he's into since there is no doubt in any of our minds that he and L have gotten freaky at least once in the last two months. However, the first sign of L biting anyone, and we'll have no choice but to bring out the torches and pitchforks. Nothing to ruin a perfectly good Japan like a brain-eating plague of zombies.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Entry Twenty-Two</b>
</p><p>Word on the street has it that Light finally couldn't take it anymore and tried to put the zombie down, but accidentally pulled him out of his calm state. For zombies, it's only a matter of time.</p><p>Myself, and the rest of Japan, gathered around the task force headquarters today with candles. If the task force can't do the right thing and put L down, we'll have no choice but to storm the place with fire and pitchforks. Once a zombie has eaten its first brain, it becomes a danger to all the living.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Entry Twenty-Three</b>
</p><p>Spent two months out of the city to stay as far away from the zombie outbreak as possible. However, I just got word that Beyond Birthday pointed out that’s just how L is, and he is, in fact, not a zombie. Besides, L seems to be functioning now, so the threat has been at the very least delayed. The first order of business is to catch up on gossip.</p><p>It turns out security was ramped up in the task force building because the Underground dispatched a zombie slayer after the undead abomination. Alas, Sarah Anne spent too much time primping in the mirror to make sure she looked her best while saving Light and not enough time slaying.</p><p>That said, apparently, Yotsuba is the new place to look for Kira. I have no idea why nobody thought about this two months ago since it was painfully obvious even to someone not deeply invested in these bets, that Yotsuba is the only corporation without anybody dying. We have already dispatched our best hackers for the job to make bets on who Kira is.</p><p>Jake said that maybe we should send all of this information to the task force and help them. He was so embarrassed when he woke up the next day with a hangover, that we all decided to never mention it again.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Entry Twenty-Four</b>
</p><p>Matsuda has taken the job as crappy-actress Misa's manager. He seems a little lost and confused. I heard from my sister that he eventually couldn't take her annoyances anymore and ran off. The boy means well. I'm sure he knows enough to avoid rich folks from now on.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Entry Twenty-Five</b>
</p><p>I spoke too soon. Matsuda demonstrated an uncommon lack of sense by sneaking into the Yotsuba building, which puts him directly in the line of fire for regular attempts on his life. </p><p>To be fair, the security in that place is atrocious, so this wasn’t a hard thing to do, and the hackers got to watch the whole cringy show.</p><p>But now there is a hot juicy rumor around town that L hired a bunch of sexy women. He is keeping them on Misa's floor in skimpy clothing. The story is that he's using this to somehow get Matsuda to safety—but even if <em> L </em> is gay, after spending what, eleven months, tirelessly working this case in an all-male task force, it's no wonder the rest of the task force felt the need for some eye candy. The guys, lesbians, and bisexuals understand and are already packing our binoculars. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Entry Twenty-Six</b>
</p><p>Myself, the LGBTQ crew, the guys, and everyone relying on the betting money to pay their rent, have taken up camp outside the task force tower. I know, I need to get back to work—my manuscript is due soon—but then I remember all the betting and blackmail money I could get from this, and I just can't tear myself away. If that creep, Higuchi, could stop marring my image, that would be great.</p><p>Unfortunately, then Matsuda had to go jump out the window and lead to an ambulance coming to pick up his stunt double. What, are they making a crappy action movie? Naturally, we all ran and hid. How were we supposed to explain if someone recognized us and asked what we were doing, and why we had so many binoculars?</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Entry Twenty-Seven</b>
</p><p>Well look at that, Misa is maybe useful!</p><p>As soon as we heard Misa was going in for an interview with Yotsuba, we knew this was going to be good, so naturally, we sent in Charlee to investigate since she's good at getting past security—crappy as that may be. Apparently, Misa ended up talking to an invisible monster. You know what I'm gonna say, so why bother saying it?</p><p>Luckily, she didn't get molested, and things seemed to be going well...</p><p>Until Misa demonstrated that she seems to have forgotten the basic rule for dealing with creepy pervs: bring pepper spray and not go anywhere alone with them! If they say some variation of "get in my van," run. But not, bimbo got into the douchebag car.</p><p>As annoying as Misa may be, and the fact she is totally blackmailing Light into dating her, that is no excuse for another perv to get their hands on her. This time, the Court of Crones has agreed that we act against Higuchi. Using Sakura TV, mind you, but L better be grateful because it's better than nothing.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Entry Twenty-Eight</b>
</p><p>So it turns out we assisted in the capture of Kira. Higuchi made it alarmingly easy, being a very clear moron and all. Even the children could see through this Sakura TV act!</p><p>On the one hand, yay, I got money since I bet on either Higuchi or Kida being Kira—because come on, that would have been hilarious. However, this takes away all the fun and potential other bets involving the capture! Boo!</p><p>Does this mean Kira is gone for good if L now has his hands on the notebook? Will Light ever regain his memories? Place your bets!</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Entry Twenty-Nine</b>
</p><p>Light got his memories back! When? Probably the moment Higuchi was arrested since the guy dropped dead immediately. And we know Light is back to his old self because he is still explaining his plans not-so-subtly. So when he was talking to Misa, she and a janitor named Tim all heard every word. From there, it was all over the city by nightfall. It's like that time Light thought nobody knew he was gay all over again. What's next? L has kids?</p><p>Misa is equally bad at being a mass killer, and also a fashionista. The dress? Fine. Those horrendous little pigtails which I hate anyway, but especially don't match up the dress? I was this close to pinning her down and snipping them off. She's just walking around town, not at all hiding her use of the notebook. When she wasn't looking, Harry managed to steal a few pages and is selling them off to the highest bidder. </p><p>Now that Light has his memories, the intense game of cat and mouse is back on. Has his very-much-known sexual relationship with L in the last three months changed him, and he will give it up for love and throw Misa under the bus? I hope so, because I bet on some variation of this, and there is so much money riding on this from the whole family! Little Sage is even planning a wedding.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Entry Thirty</b>
</p><p>Do I really need to say anything? </p><p>L is dead. </p><p>Marv got all of the betting money, and we are placing bets on who kills him first.</p><p>Beyond Birthday is heartbroken at L's demise, and plotting his revenge against Kira, who now has nobody to challenge him. I am too depressed to even celebrate that Light only has to survive twenty-three more days before our money is safe from Marv on that regard.</p><p>I would try to make a joke about how L’s death is bound to lead to some dramatic sequel of the sort using his successors or something like that, but I just can’t. This occurrence is too tragic. Light's unflattering smirk which was found in the cameras just sealed it in that these bets will not come true—the closest we will get is if Light ends up guilty and lives a life of alcoholism and regret.</p><p>If only we had been kinder to L when we had the chance. We should never have peaked in on his relationships and investigations, tried to kill him for being a zombie—which he apparently, truly, never was—taken bets on his love life, and ignored assassination attempts. If everyone had been more honest with him, maybe we could have prevented this tragedy.</p><p>…</p><p>We’re still sending a vampire slayer to stake out the graveyard—I’m not taking any chances.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong> Entry Thirty-One </strong>
</p><p>These have been the most boring years of all time, and if someone had told me that back when this whole fiasco with Light started, I would have thought they were insane. Come on, Light, if you're gonna insert yourself as a new God that we're supposed to make a religion out of, could you do something interesting already? Come on, I was expecting a Kira bible written by Kira and not by his random worshippers who sacrifice babies. And with the crime rates decreased and wars gone, natural selection is slowly failing us!</p><p>The only exciting that that happened was that through extensive research, we learned that L has more successors than just Beyond Birthday, and now those kids are also swearing revenge. The little chocolate child ran off to LA, so Beyond joined him to make sure he doesn't end up dead on the streets. The sheep child managed to learn about and then joined the Underground, so he knows pretty well at this point that Light is Kira, but the real challenge is actually proving it. We may give him the answer, but like most math websites, we're not helping him show his work! Kid's gotta do that on his own.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Thirty-Two </strong>
</p><p>So apparently the mafia killed the NPA Director. Nobody tried to stop them because they thought the mob was just kidnapping the Director. Everyone knows that when someone in the police is kidnapped in Japan, the standard procedure is to just stand around and do nothing, and then report to the Underground to make bets. </p><p>It's helped by Light's department making this cell phone thing so people could overhear each other's calls. That sounds great for investigations, but upon hacking to learn about its existence, it was even easier to hack this, and we are now able to totally abuse something Light created and use it against him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Thirty-Three </strong>
</p><p>So Sayu Yagami's been kidnapped. Such a shame, she's a sweet girl, and since the Underground is against human trafficking, some of us have already booked plane tickets to LA to see what happens. It seems the task force is doing the same thing because poor Brodie had to sit on a plane next to Misa, and they had to engage in conversation while Light looked on from the seat on the other side with a "haha sucks to be you!" expression.</p><p>While I was on the plane, I got a text from Eva telling me that the flight she was on with Soichiro and Aizawa had been hijacked and ended up in the middle of nowhere. Sweet! That's twenty bucks since I bet it was either Light or Soichiro's plane that got taken over. Marv had suggested that maybe the mafia would find the Yagamis later, but clearly, that just isn't dramatic enough.</p><p>The question is: can we abuse this and find a way to take the notebook for ourselves and sell pages on the black market?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Thirty-Four </strong>
</p><p>Does everyone on this damn task force want to die?!</p><p>I've been ignoring it for a while. However, in the last couple of weeks, I have seen so many instances where these people are just seeking death, mostly from Matsuda and Mr. Yagami. The others have these moments too, and I am genuinely concerned that none of them are here for some semblance of justice, and only are here because they're suicidal.</p><p>The moment when Matsuda grinning while trying to convince the group that they should let him die was the moment we knew he needs therapy.</p><p>Anyway, we decided that we don't like Mello being part of the mafia, full of murder and human trafficking, and no,<em> Netflix,</em> that shit's not romantic. So we're not going to warn him about this attack that Kira himself is planning. With the last one, he got to use his pet, probably Shinigami, but not this time.</p><p>I'm sure Mello will be fine.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Thirty-Five </strong>
</p><p>Three bathrooms. Five bedrooms. Two studies. Apple trees in the backyard and storage space in the attic. A state-of-the-art kitchen, a dining room that seats twenty, and my own study in the basement. I am the proud owner of a new house!</p><p>The Court of Crones ruled that Light being directly involved in his father's death and then not giving a shit in favor of trying to make dear old Dad kill Mello was close enough to patricide for them. The bet I made when Light was just a baby mass killer has now paid off. I <em> knew </em> that one day Light would finally notice his father's constant attempts to kill him. I'm rich! I apologize for any disloyalty I may have shown to Kira in the past. He's the best God we've ever had. I might even stop letting Near in on the bets. </p><p>What can I say? I'm easily bribed.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Thirty-Six </strong>
</p><p>Things are getting super interesting again since Near was finally able to start showing his work with the whole Light is Kira situation. The game of cat and mouse is less intense this time, but it's better than nothing, and we can only wonder who will emerge victorious this time.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Thirty-Seven </strong>
</p><p>Demegawa is going on a quest to find and kill the SPK, win the respect of the people, and prove to said people that he is Kira's spokesman. Which people? I'm not sure. I asked around, and my neighbors across the street and Mrs. Raoki who came over to gossip, and we all agreed that we didn't really care whether someone kills the SPK or not since Mello already tried and that didn't exactly work. Nor would it make us any more likely to give him real money for taxes or his scams someday. He can have fun with that, though.</p><p>But honestly, what was Light thinking having this happen right after he's a suspect again? Is he drunk?! What kind of common sense is that? Thank God he wasn't this lacking in common sense in the first year, or our money would have been in serious danger!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Thirty-Eight </strong>
</p><p>OKAY! A lot of things have happened today!</p><p>So basically, half of the task force just not-so-secretly turned on Light, and while I am not surprised this happened, I am a little confused. From a psychological standpoint, putting a former prisoner under surveillance again could cause a PTSD breakdown, and then where would we be?</p><p>Also, Light apparently got a new friend in another Kira and finally got rid of Misa. This new person killed Sakura TV and killed like 500 people in an evening, and I am more than a little concerned.</p><p>But we learned from Higuchi. We're not going to be accidentally helping with this one by giving little tips about arresting someone, so surely more money can be made this way.</p><p>I wonder who the new spokesperson will be?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Thirty-Nine </strong>
</p><p>Kira's got some taste, and at last, the Kira spokesperson is a piece of eye candy. Personally, I suspect he's pining after L and only chose Kiyomi because she looks like a fancy girl L. Sure, he claimed to have not chosen her, and it was the other Kira, and he's in a relationship with Misa, but who can say? Lingering affection for his debatably undead lover could also explain why he hasn't done anything about Japan's little undead problem. I mean, it's not like he's completely failed to notice that we've started staking and burning our dead, right? Right?!</p><p>But it does seem that for the moment, Kira is trying to please us, but has he ever asked us? Taken a poll?</p><p>I took a survey at yesterday's weekly Underground meeting. Result: 25% of the people of Japan think Light should marry Kiyomi: because they look good together, because it's romantic like Cinderella, or because they have money riding on it. About 15% want Light and Misa to be together, 5% Light and Near, 23% Light and L (L used to be <em> much </em> higher before he died. But there are still a few hang-ons who want Light to stay true to L for the rest of his life, and a string section who vote for vampire L). A few fringe crazies suggested Light, Matsuda, and an undead L, which led to several threesomes I refuse to list. Oh, and an astonishing 54% are rooting for Light and this new Kira. Finally, about 75% voted for Light and themselves.</p><p>If you're wondering about the overlap, many voted for more than one category.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Forty </strong>
</p><p>Damnit! Why do we keep finding the Kiras?!</p><p>So new Kira is Teru Mikami, and honestly, I am not shocked because it's not like he tried to help write the new Kira bible or anything or preaches every other day about how amazing Kira is.</p><p>For a little while, Mikami was part of the Underground like the rest of Japan until he realized we only help Kira when wanting to benefit ourselves and keep Marv from winning. One time he even threw out all our pot-brownies because "God wouldn't want that" or some other nonsense.</p><p>But at the same time, I may have to agree with everyone about Mikami managing to abuse the magical mushrooms a bit too much while still saying drugs are bad. Then again, this may be partially our fault since nobody was around to ensure this kid got mental health help after his mother died, and we were all really bored for the last five years. If a single person had been decent enough to explain to Mikami that Kira was just a harmless teen with a notebook and not a God, much trouble right now would have been avoided. Instead, he's pledging allegiance to Kira. The kid is barely out of his teens! By the time he reaches thirty, <em> if </em> he reaches thirty, he's going to have such a swollen head…</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
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  <strong> Entry Forty-One </strong>
</p><p>Light's been dating Kiyomi for a couple weeks as of now, and it was so unsurprising that Misa would be pissed about this upon learning about it that nobody had even bothered to bet on it. Of course, since Kiyomi's still alive, it's even further clear that Ms. Stalker Amane doesn't have the Kira powers anymore, and probably not the memories of them either. If she did, no amount of Light explaining shit to her would keep Kiyomi alive.</p><p>But it still seems Misa's got a mean streak because we learned from Near, who was told by Halle that she was casually threatening Kiyomi that she'd be hanged. Rude, much.</p><p>They are aware that Light's probably using them both at this point and could care less whether they live or die, right?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Forty-Two </strong>
</p><p>Very, very bad news. While most of the higher powers of the Underground, including myself, spent a week laid up with a purple unicorn hangover—don't ask, just blame Sarah Anne—disaster struck. One of our gamer foreign exchange students who also used to live at Wammy's House got involved with a radical political party. You know how young geniuses with hot mafia boyfriends can be, all up in arms about their rights and freedom from the police state? This little firebrand managed to get caught by the police. </p><p>There's no denying that the boy went too far in helping probably-Mello kidnap Kiyomi. But the real problem is that the foolish cops think the only way to stop someone from being dangerous is to execute them. I suppose if someone stole a loaf of bread, they'd have to decide between killing them or letting them go? What do they think prison cells are for? In the past, the Underground has managed to subtly interfere with the excesses. But this time, even our best commanders were down and out for the count until it was too late.</p><p>But Matt's death was not in vain, as we of the Underground destroyed the bodyguards later while Beyond Birthday went in search of an explanation for what the hell was going on. They actually tried to make us give <em> real </em> money for the sake of Kira worshipping! The nerve!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Forty-Three </strong>
</p><p>The final battle has been scheduled and confirmed, and not even Kiyomi being suspiciously set on fire could stop them. Or, at least it will be the final battle if Near and the task force win. Sure, most of them, at this point, seems to know that Light's crazy, but Light also has the power of worshippers and a sanity that is slipping more and more as each day passes.</p><p>I guess he's fallen away from the <em>Light</em>. Haha, I'll go home now.</p><p>But in all seriousness, Sylas was on nightly Light watch the last couple days, and he actually was having a mental breakdown. Poor man seriously needs some mental help at this point. Maybe we should have gotten him into a hospital for a bit after the whole psychological torture and confinement thing?</p><p>That said, he didn't fight Mikami saying that lazy people will be killed by Kira, and seeing as the majority of the Underground aren't on the right side of the law or at the very least rely on these bets as the majority of their income, we have decided to rebel. It's not that we have anything against Light personally. We're just bored and won't let anyone steal our money.</p><p>That said, I'm not complaining if he lives after this. Maybe we can whip the kid into shape so he can be a merciful God.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Forty-Four </strong>
</p><p>The world still stands. But Light has fallen.</p><p>Even though we have become rich as Near rewarded us handsomely for our contributions to his information gathering over the years to solve the Kira case, much was lost. Kiyomi and Mikami are dead. Misa is missing, and the Death Note is who even knows where. </p><p>At least Matsuda seemed to have recognized that Light had gone mad and laid him to rest after he started ranting about being a God, even though at this point, he honestly should have realized how stupid that was. Nice job, Matsuda.</p><p>But looking back on everything and how much fun we have, I can't help but feel bad for him, and I wonder how things could have turned out if we had helped more or less. We should never have stolen his belongings, taken bets on his love life, and ignored the fact he was probably wasted for most of the last couple of months. If everyone had been more honest with him about how the world works and that he was seriously missing a ton of rungs in the ladder that was the government, maybe we could have prevented this tragedy.</p><p>Don't get me wrong, I still am fully ready to bet a thousand dollars that the Death Note returns at least twice within the next ten years. Let's hope Near and Matsuda get some therapy first because those two seem to have been really messed up by all of this.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> Entry Forty-Five </strong>
</p><p>Light's funeral was today. A quiet and sedate ceremony to the hummed tune of "Ding-Dong the Wicked Witch is Dead." Near-turned-L put out the story that Light was wounded heroically in a battle against Kira, but was tragically struck down in the process. We all assumed he was just trying to save face since the task force admitting that they worked with Kira for years, and Light was the Deputy Director's kid is a little humiliating. </p><p>Near says he's not bringing out the special bottle of champagne until it's been confirmed for a full year that Light won't rise again. Myself, I say the body should have been given the full garlic-silver-and-beheading treatment before burial. I wonder how long until he comes back as a Shinigami?</p><p>Or a zombie. We've still got a serious undead problem.</p>
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